When Postpartum Anxiety Swallows You Whole

When postpartum anxiety hits hard, it can feel like nothing will ever get better again. It can feel like you’re drowning. Each day may seem like an insurmountable challenge, every decision coming with uncertainty and fear. You might find yourself constantly worrying about your baby’s well-being, obsessing over every little detail, and feeling like you’re failing as a mother.

OR, like me, you could be thinking….Have I made a horrible mistake? Will I ever sleep again? Will I ever feel like ME again?

Oof. This one is getting vulnerable, ya’ll.

If you’re here reading this, I just want to let you know I see you. I am here for you. I WAS you. And…it gets better. Maybe things won’t go back to the way they were, maybe you will have a new normal…but things do get better.

I remember those days all too well—the sleepless nights spent staring at my baby’s crib, the racing thoughts that seemed to never quiet down, the overwhelming sense of dread that consumed me. It felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own mind, unable to escape the grip of anxiety that had taken hold of me. All of my fears, for my baby’s safety and for my own wellbeing, began to consume every aspect of my life, robbing me of the joy and excitement I had anticipated to feel as a new mom.

Postpartum anxiety is a silent struggle, often overshadowed by its more well-known counterpart, postpartum depression. But make no mistake—it is just as real, just as debilitating, and just as deserving of attention and support (and for many, they go hand in hand).

I wanted to talk about some things you can do if you’re feeling the weight of postpartum anxiety, and/or postpartum depression, and how we can work together to combat those feelings.

5 Tips for Handling Postpartum Anxiety

1. Reach Out for Support: You don’t have to face postpartum anxiety or depression alone. Reach out to trusted friends and family members who can offer emotional or physical help, or simply provide comfort and encouragement. Joining support groups, either in person or online, can also connect you with others who understand what you’re going through- check out MOPS groups in your area, or even local mom Facebook groups! Also, if you have a partner, communication is key in navigating the challenges of postpartum anxiety or depression together. Share your feelings and experiences openly, and work together to develop a plan for managing symptoms and supporting each other. Your partner can play a crucial role in providing emotional support, sharing caregiving responsibilities, and helping you access the resources you need. They can also keep an eye on you if they know you’re struggling, to make sure it doesn’t get worse!

2. Set Realistic Expectations: Adjusting to motherhood is a HUGE thing, and it’s okay to acknowledge that things may not always go as planned. Know that if you don’t bond with your baby immediately, or feel how you expected to feel as a mom, that is perfectly normal and okay!!! Be kind to yourself and set realistic expectations for what you can accomplish each day. Remember that perfection is just not attainable, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. Focus on progress rather than perfection, and celebrate the pockets of joy or accomplishment scattered throughout your day.

3. Try to get some sleep, even if that means your partner takes over for the night. Some mamas have no issue sleeping when their baby sleeps. But if you’re anything like I was, you have a hard time with that, whether it be anxiety related, or you just feel like you can’t get yourself to sleep. A few things to suggest… 

• Get on a schedule with your partner if at all possible. Switch off feedings, or even better, switch off nights. Even if you are getting up to pump, you can still go right back to sleep after.
• Put baby in their own room. I know this is controversial- but for some women, they simply sleep so much better when baby is in their own room (with a monitor of course!) from an early age, because they aren’t waking to every fuss and grunt and tiny noise all night long! You know yourself and your baby best- if you would feel more anxious with them out of the room, then by all means, keep them in your room! This just simply works for some families, and doesn’t for others. 
• Do something calming just for yourself before bed to wind down. Take a shower, change your spit up clothes, read your bible. Whatever brings you peace and relaxation. Or, if you need to cry, just let yourself have a cry! You’ll feel so much better after. 

4. Prioritize Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial for your well-being and your ability to care for your baby. Make self-care a priority, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day. This could be taking a short walk, practicing deep breathing exercises, or simply allowing yourself to rest when needed. Incorporating mindfulness and relaxation techniques into your daily routine can help reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. Even just a few minutes of mindful breathing can make a significant difference in how you feel. I also leaned on my faith a lot as a form of self care, especially in the middle of the night! I would read my bible or look up verses on my phone for comfort, encouragement, and strength while up alone feeding my baby.

5. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling with postpartum anxiety or depression, and the things above are not helping after a few weeks or the anxiety becomes debilitating, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Talk to your healthcare provider about your symptoms and treatment options, which may include therapy, medication, or a combination of both. A trained therapist can provide you with tools and strategies to manage your symptoms effectively and work through underlying issues contributing to your anxiety. But you have to first make the decision to be your own advocate and reach out for help, mama.

Your Healing is Coming

My journey to healing wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick. There are good days and bad days, and moments where anxious thoughts creep back in. But with each step forward, I felt a little bit stronger, a little bit more like myself again.

If you’re struggling with postpartum anxiety, know that you are not alone. There is help out there, support waiting for you, and light at the end of the tunnel. Reach out to your loved ones, your partner, your healthcare provider, a therapist—anyone who can offer you the support and guidance you need.

And remember, mama, it gets better. You are stronger than you know, braver than you realize, and more loved than you can imagine. Take each day as it comes, be gentle with yourself, and know that brighter days are ahead.

I love you, friend.